Being able to find your place in life, understanding your own value – it’s a great gift. If you stop for a moment, drop all the ideas of what is right, and what is wrong, and ask yourself the question: “Am I happy as a woman?”, You can suddenly realize that, perhaps, no, not very happy. Why? Is there anyone to blame? This, in fact, not to find the guilty. It’s about where the root of the problem is. In most cases, the root of the problem is located absolutely not where we imagine it.
Mother. Mom and attitude to her – this is the first thing that you need to look at if your life is not very successfull. A woman who respects her mother, who is grateful to her the way she is (even if all that mom did – gave you life), is much more likely to be happy and successful in life. Here are a few signs of disrespect towards the mother: attempts to solve her personal problems (in other words, to be the mother for her), to feel better than her, to be my father’s daughter (that is, closer to the father than to the mother). There are other examples. These are among the most unobvious.
Bigger than the Mother. A woman who is trying to be a mother to her mother has no chance to grow up. In order to grow, you must first learn to be a child. First you have to be able to be a child in relation to your own mother. Otherwise personal life is affected, as well as relationship with the husband and children. This way a woman is not able to be neither wife nor mother. She can easily become a mother to her own husband, instead of being a woman for him. This is disrespect towards the man. Children feel her failure and, in turn, try to help her. They also feel that their mother does not respect their father. This is a separate issue.
Father’s Daughter. Mama’s boy – we often hear. However, there is a symmetrical situation with women – papa’s daughter. The reasons for this situation are often rooted in the woman’s family system. Father’s daughter lose their chances of a successful personal and often professional life. One of Bert Hellinger’s aphorisms: “Success has the face of the mother.” Mother’s son, father’s daughter – is a big separate topic. Success of a woman is next to her mother.
I’ll Never be Like That. Another common situation: women often think that the way the mother lived is not good, that they would never repeat such a life, and will do everything better. Later, looking back, the women are surprised to discover that they lived the same life, like the mother, with the same problems. Understanding that you are the same as your mother – this where the solution is. Is is hard to say this: “Mom, I’m the same as you. Thank you for everything!”? This attitude suddenly frees you from many problems.
Working on the Problem. Working on their own problems requires courage. Often the roots of the problems are in the “blind spot”, so you cannot see them. Family constellations, a method by Bert Hellinger, is one of the ways, which allows you to see the causes of the situation.
Elena Nesterenko, Family Constellations Workshops
www.constellations.work | (647)367-6073