06 Feb

Introduction to Family Constellations

Introduction to Family Constellations by Bert Hellinger

Many of us are looking to improve our health, our relationships, work, business, everyday life.
When we suffer from some issues or problems, we might not know why is this happening to us. Bert and Sophie Hellinger have developed a method, called Family and Systemic Constellations, to help people to live a better life.

Systems that Affect Our Wellbeing

In this world we belong to many systems and they affect us. The closest system, affecting us the most, is our family or our family system.

The closest system, affecting us the most, is our family.

Other systems are our country of origin, countries we lived in, our religion, institutions, work and so on. I am going to focus on the family system for now. It showed in many family constellations sessions that our wellbeing today is affected by our family past. In other words, if we are ill, unsuccessful in relationships or at work, the roots often lie in the family past.

If we are ill, unsuccessful in relationships or at work, the roots often lie in the family past.

If some traumatic event occurs in the family, this often creates an energetic tension in the system, which in turn affects the descendants, because life energy cannot move freely from generation to generation anymore. But why does this tension have to be created at all? Because of our natural reaction to trauma.

Our natural reaction to trauma causes problems.

Because it hurts so much, so we tend to forget, reject, exclude the people, involved into that trauma, and also we want to change the past. Still, why this has to create any tension? Here is why: there are the three laws, operating in this world.

There are three fundamental laws in this world that work in families.

They are intended to keep integrity of systems (families). And when we do not follow these laws, the tension is getting created, and this causes all kinds of problems to the descendants. Here is one of the laws: it is called “Belonging”.


This law states: “Whoever got the right to belong to the family system, belongs to it. This right cannot be taken away.” Sounds pretty simple. It seems there is nothing difficult about it. But. This is what happens: people do not like how some family members acquire the right to belong to the family system, so they tend to reject (or exclude) those “unwanted” members.

When people reject or exclude a family member this causes problems in the family, affecting even future generations.

How do people get the right to belong to the family system? The first and the easiest way is to become a child in the family. And even here, if a child dies young, this causes tension in the family. Or parents might abort the child. As a result, the descendants, the future children, might suffer from depression, chronic fatigue, feeling lost, stuck and more.
The other way of becoming the family member, is by circumstances. If someone saves your life, health, gives you a significant amount of money, was your sexual partner, your nanny or an adoptive parent, this person is your family member. And the opposite: if someone takes a person’s life, causes physical damage, takes money, this person also belongs to the family. This is what people don’t like. And the trauma might stay for generations.

Examples: Family Situation – Health Problems

ADHD in Children – Children worry about one of the parents (usually about the mother), they want to be at home, not at school and that is why they cannot concentrate.
Anorexia – A person wants to die, because someone in the family died before (tragic death).
Digestion Problems – Rejecting the mother.
Overeating – Rejecting the mother.
Food Allergies – Rejecting the mother.
Addictions (work, alcohol, smocking, drugs, sex) – Lack of the father’s masculine energy, poor or no connection to the father.
Headaches – Unexpressed love.
Depression, Fatigue – Abortions, early death.
And more.

These are not 100% for everyone (each case is unique). This information comes from many family constellations sessions.

Examples: Success

Work Success – Good relationship with the mother, taking her with respect just the way she is (or was).
Inner Happiness – Good relationship with the mother, taking her with respect just the way she is (or was).
Good Relationship with Your Partner – Both parents are respected just the way they are.
Ability to Set and Achieve Goals – Father respected, good relationship with him, taking him the way he is (was).

In general, if you respect your parents and take them just the way they are, also, if you are able to say at some moment to your parents (even in your soul): “Thank you, you have given enough to me. Now I can take care of myself and I will do something useful with my life”, then you have a big chance to become a successful adult.

How Family Constellations Help

During a family constellations session, when working on a client’s request, the blocked energies come to light and unfold. Also, the family members, involved with the past trauma, when they are seen with respect and love, they become released as well. This, in turn, releases tension in the family, allows leaving the past trauma behind, making the descendants available for life.

Family Constellations Session

Family constellations session is usually conducted in groups (can be also one on one). In a group there is the facilitator, the client and the group of people, who can participate as helpers by representing the energies and the aspects, related to the client’s request.

From Bert Hellinger’s books and from family constellations sessions.
Elena Nesterenko – Facilitator
Family Constellations Workshops