27 Dec

And Once More About Fathers

Family Constellations, Method by Bert Hellinger

The more I look at life with the question “Who are our fathers for us?”, the more answers I discover. And these new answers give me the feeling of balance. Here are some of them:
Balance. The simplest thing: we need our fathers to balance our feminine in us. Why do we need it? We need it for many reasons:
To Stop Looking Around Through “A Mother’s Eyes”

When we are born, we see this world through the eyes of the most important person for us, our mother. When we grow up, but remain in the same state, guess what happens? We see our fathers through “her eyes”, we see other man through “her eyes”, we see the whole life through “her eyes”. Who’s life do we live then? – The mother’s life, which is beyond our strength, because that is hers, not ours. We are able to carry as much as belongs to us, we are strong enough for that, but we are not strong enough to carry our parents’ life.
>>>If Mother Is Not Happy
If a mother is not happy about her relationship(s) for any reason, if she rejects her husband(s), and her children see things through “her eyes”, then they also tend to reject the father (or stepfather).
What does it mean for a boy, the future man? He cannot completely grow up. He does not have space for a woman to build his own family. He is overloaded with his mother’s problems. He does not have access to his father’s masculine energy. He does not know how to be independent. The solution for such boy (or a grown man) would be to:
– Become a child for his mother (stop being her man, stop solving her problems) and
– To recognize his father (or stepfather), to get the access to his father’s masculine energy. This will balance his feminine; and whatever the mother’s situation is, it will not be so overwhelming any more.
What does it mean for a girl, the future woman? She sees, what her mother sees in men, the same problems. She does not know how to act with men. She repeats her mother’s patterns. At the same time she looks for a father in all men around. She cannot grow up. The solution for her would be to
– Become a child for her mother
– To find her way to the father.
When being out of balance, many things around us do not work. It is an endless topic. In short, nothing really works: relationships, parenthood, health, work – the whole life.
For balance we need both parents.
***From The Constellations Work***